it’s 4.24am. I’ve just gotten back a little bit about my life. Being back in Singapore is a great thing. I get to be near the people that I want to be with. But, that’s about it.

I’m like operating at 25% capacity now. Tired out. The plane ride didn’t prove to go so well. I’m starting to think that airports are taking drastic measures to cut costs. They keeping planes in the air longer to use lesser runways and staff. I’m not really sure of the logical math but, it was my experience. Was circling for quite some time and the changes in pressure were irritating.

I’ve decided to unpack when I wake up again. That is, if I ever.

I’ve been away for 21 days. Chris was awesome in picking me up though he had to work way early in the morning. Cindy and Pin came to receive me too. That was a surprise. Fiona and Cindy got me a pair of berms from Zara. I’ll post a pic of it later. Amazingly, it seemed to fit real snug.

Having donned the responsibilities, vision, aim and resolution of my uniform for almost 5 years, I’m getting clearer to a conclusion of whether it is appropriate for me. I certainly love it when I make things happen. However, it’s kinda sad to know that the very opposing forces for me are the same people in uniform. Being in a new place, I tread lightly. but, there’s a limit to what one can take. More so, when the person I’m interacting with is senior and experienced.

Have you ever held a conversation where you bring up an utterly valid point upon the request of the other conversational party and he goes on for the next 10 minutes in a monologue on how far fetched it is to handle it? I understand you have somewhat come across the issue. I understand you have experience. I’m perfectly ok if the 10 minutes spent listening to you is about the solution. I’m not here to work with people who say, there’s nothing more that can be done.

I sat in 3 meetings. Gruesomely long, probably 5 hours. It’s not like a discussion forum on world domination. Alot of parties have spoken in the meeting, many more who are just existing and not present. What I can derive is, what’s discussed were the same points brought up at the same event last year. More time was spent on blaming who did what and screwed up what and who was being what and ended up having what and so it was like that. I’m disappointed more when the issues weren’t handled on the spot and we’re pretty much going to see the same thing next year. Even more so when my peers tell me to focus on my tasks and mind my own business.

I see bickering over trivial issues. I dun feel there is a direction. Well, crap. I have to say I may not have experienced enough of what’s going on. However, my judgement on issues haven’t failed me enough to lose the trust in myself.

I feel contradiction as well. Over the past few days, I wondered how am I going to get my stand for the world to fruition. If I can’t change my organization now, how am I going to change the world? If I spend my time to change my organization first, half my life would have gone by, will I have enough to change the world? Is this organization worth changing in the first place? I’m starting to feel it’s untenable.

Somebody told me that, I can’t have this thought on my mind just because I am in it. I’ve come to know that, having “faith” in the system and just doing what I can is not enough.

Passion without Direction is a Lost Cause. I’ve got a year.

Browse Timeline

• « Great Works.
• » Family.

Comments ( 1 Comment )

i feel for you in the meetings. we can only change an organization top down. i guess, it’s either, ‘bite the bullet’ to the top then you can easily make the changes. or else… if it ain’t worth it, move on.

Sher added these pithy words on Apr 09 09 at 2:23 am

Add a Comment